Cirque du Today: Mommy’s Hall of Name-Calling Horrors

Cirque du Today2 Comments

You truly don’t understand why your mother gave you all those unending, blathering guilt trips, which you endured with rolling eyes and exasperated sighs, until a child that you carried in your womb for 9 months (and made you gain 40 lbs that went straight to your ass), and whose hungry or sick cries you’ve lovingly answered at 3 in the morning a million times, and whose green, snotty nose you’ve wiped a trillion times, and whose swampy butt you’ve wiped NINE zillion times, yells at you in a moment of pure, unadulterated, five-year-old malice: “YOU’RE A POOPY!” Ohhh, no, no, my good sir. I’m afraid in this scenario, YOU are the poopy. And, not only will you suffer a time-out and an early bedtime for comparing your devoted mother to a piece of excrement, you will suffer the lifelong punishment of said devoted mother filing this little moment into the Mommy Guilt Trip Hall of Fame.

Cirque du Today: Mommy’s Hall of Name-Calling Horrors

2 Comments on “Cirque du Today: Mommy’s Hall of Name-Calling Horrors”

  1. Drew Clarke

    First off, how do women remember EVERYTHING? I learned shorthand just so when Jessica and I have an argument, I can write everything down and trump her photographic memory.

    My mother was the heavy weight champion of guilt trips and passive-aggressive behavior. She saved a specific brand of cruelty just for me, which was belittling me in front of family members (that includes grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) Approximately two years ago, my brothers met with her unbeknownst to me. They told her to start respecting me or they would all ignore any of her invitations to gather as a family (we Clarke boys can be hard on each other but we are loyal and fiercely protective of one another). Now, my mom feigns pride and love when I’m around. I would tell her that I never asked to be born and if she wanted to talk about irresponsible behavior, lets talk about having four unplanned children and the temerity to bitch about having no money because children are expensive. My mother and I are civil around each other these days. Jessica has some difficulty remaining civil around my mom because jessica despises her. In fact, at the beach, she gave mom a stern lecture, which elevated her status in the family. My childhood wasn’t fucked up in the same way yours seems to have been but it was fucked up nonetheless.

    1. Ashley

      Totally fucked up – I agree! Your mom sounds like a piece of work…I’m sorry! I’m glad your bros and Jessica all have your back – that’s where real love is found. Your mom may have multi-layered reasons for her issues, and I’m sure you know what they are and where they come from, but that’s no excuse for treating you so poorly. BTW, you know I’m just kidding about the guilt trips (mostly). 😉

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