Profanity 101 Or That Time I Taught Creative Cursing

AshleyOld School Circus25 Comments

The summer after I finished third grade, when I was nine, we were living in a mansion owned by The Community. The Community entrusted it to Sister Helen as a caretaker, and we were all allowed to move in too. It was a Tudor home with seven bedrooms, two staircases, a sun porch (converted to a chapel), a huge yard … Read More

AshleyProfanity 101 Or That Time I Taught Creative Cursing

When Chickens Fly: the Dinnertime Cluster-F*ck

AshleyCirque du Today10 Comments

Dinnertime is traditionally a fantastic, epic cluster-fuck in our house. First of all, we’ve given up on forcing our three boys to try anything new. Oh, once upon a time I busted my butt trying to introduce new items on a daily basis, but I always ended up bashing my head against the kitchen wall as they were turned down, … Read More

AshleyWhen Chickens Fly: the Dinnertime Cluster-F*ck

A Tale of a Girl and Her Butt: Baby Got Back

AshleyOld School Circus12 Comments

Today I thought I should discuss one of my deepest, darkest obsessions: my big ol’ big ol’ butt. You might think this discussion vain, but truly, this would only be an exercise in vanity if I were in love with my Gluteus Maximus, or if I thought other people loved it, or if it were WORTHY of love! I’m not, … Read More

AshleyA Tale of a Girl and Her Butt: Baby Got Back

Doritos and Me: A Lifelong Love Story

AshleyOld School Circus27 Comments

People who have known me a long time, short time, very well, or not so much, all know this simple fact: I love me some Doritos. But what they may not know is that like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, Spencer Tracy and Kathryn Hepburn, Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O’Neal, Doritos and I have a passionate AND complicated relationship. My … Read More

AshleyDoritos and Me: A Lifelong Love Story

Grandma’s Light Show

AshleyCirque du Today11 Comments

My beloved Grandma on my dad’s side, who passed away almost four years ago, would decorate for Christmas like it was her JOB. In fact, her job actually was  to decorate—she worked as a successful, quirky, eclectic interior decorator until she was 92 years old.  (Ninety-FREAKING-two years old, and she lived to 96)! As such, she reveled in and thrived on … Read More

AshleyGrandma’s Light Show

That Time My Mom Thought She Was A Nun

AshleyOld School Circus23 Comments

I was eight years old in the Year of the Brown Dress, as my older sister and I eventually came to call it. My mom had been raised Catholic but in the years since divorcing my dad, she had become a Born Again Christian. And in her heightened state of Jesus Awareness, she’d decided to “sacrifice her vanity” by wearing … Read More

AshleyThat Time My Mom Thought She Was A Nun

The Time I Fought Back

AshleyOld School Circus26 Comments

In 1987, I was 13 years old, and my family’s main method of transportation was a 1976 AMC Gremlin. It was red with blue doors and covered in rust, and as if these aesthetics weren’t enough to draw stares, it had a muffler that growled and coughed, assaulting the ears and noses of unlucky onlookers. We lived in a struggling steel … Read More

AshleyThe Time I Fought Back

Cirque du Today: Direct Me to the Restroom?

AshleyCirque du TodayLeave a Comment

I have always been a bathroom person. When I go to someone else’s house for the first time, and they are giving me a tour, honestly, what I’m only interested in seeing is their bathrooms. My own bathrooms were uber important to me when my husband and I built our house several years ago. I think I stood up in a rage, started … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Direct Me to the Restroom?