Elf on the Shelf Bungee Jumping

Cirque du Today14 Comments

Tonight, my mother-in-law was innocently eating her delicious re-heated Thanksgiving mashed potatoes (one of the rare dishes that I, as a culinarily-challenged human being, actually do right) when simultaneously, our newly re-instated Elf on the Shelf, Mario, was in the midst of working out an emotional crisis. One minute, he was perched happily on the chandelier just above the kitchen table, appearing to all the world like a stable, well-adjusted, satisfied Minion of Santa, and the next minute, he’d taken a head-first plunge to certain death right into my mother-in-law’s portion of my famous mashed potatoes’ steaming, stifling, salty, buttery goodness. My mother-in-law, understandably concerned for Mario’s safety, screams out, “Oh shiiiit!” but realizing the kids were around, considerately puts a “ski” on the end so that it comes out “Oh shiiiitski!” The boys are too busy frying their brains via iPhones and iPads to pick up on the fact that elves are shitski-ing around in mashed potatoes, luckily, because my mother-in-law just freaking picks the elf up with her BARE HANDS and puts him back on the chandelier. Doesn’t she know that if she touches him she could a) turn to stone, b) grow a second head and start singing Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town in stereo, c) make Mario lose his magic, or d) cause lifelong trauma to my three sons by doing a, b, or c? Apparently someone needs a lesson in How Not to Shitski All Over Christmas.

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Elf on the Shelf Bungee Jumping

14 Comments on “Elf on the Shelf Bungee Jumping”

  1. Margaret caro

    Planning to enjoy your blog with my coffee every morning, well, every morning
    something is posted…you could even do a Mario series. So happy you’re doing this…long overdue. Happy Holidays! Margaret

    1. Ashley

      Thanks so much, Margaret! I knew I could count on your support – you have always been so encouraging of my writing! Happy Holidays to you too!

  2. Kristen

    Ours fell behind a bookcase and we had to use tongs to retrieve him. We take this shitsky VERY seriously!

    1. Ashley

      That’s what I would’ve done too! My mother in law made a rookie mistake…some people have to learn their shitski the hard way!

      1. Ashley

        ps, I really don’t like these weird emoji’s or emoticons or whatever they’re called. Whenever I try to do an old fashioned smiley face, it ends up looking like Jack Nicholson from The Shining. I think the plain colon with the closed parenthesis is much more sincere.

  3. Jen

    Love it! I think the elves themselves look kind of creepy, but they apparently have good taste in mashed potatoes!

  4. Samantha

    This reminds me to get special “emergency sprinkles” or some other mysteriously crappy way of fixing this. Our elf, Nelvin, came out today riding upon a pinecone turkey and vandalising the livingroom mirror. Our elf doesn’t set a very good example.

    1. Ashley

      GOOD PLAN! I’m starting to worry though if things get too elaborate with the elf, my 8yo will get suspicious. He’s already doubting the Easter Bunny. 🙁

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