Cirque du Today: Santa’s High Wire

AshleyCirque du Today1 Comment

Last night at my twins’ bedtime, I tried to renew my annual tradition of inspiring fear in my children of not getting any presents from Santa if they don’t go to sleep and stay asleep. After the questions that ensued, I realized that I could no longer use my mother’s scare tactics – “the elves are outside the window watching.” … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Santa’s High Wire

Cirque du Today: Highs and Lows

AshleyCirque du Today4 Comments

Today I actually dared to bring two four-year-olds with me to do some clothes shopping for myself at Target – something I obviously rarely do, as evidenced by my threadbare clothing complete with knee and elbow patches.  While I am doing 180s in front of the mirror, trying to get the full visual of my sizable ass in skinny jeans, Jagger and … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Highs and Lows

Cirque du Today: Grocery Clerks or Fortunetellers?

AshleyCirque du Today2 Comments

I’m pretty sure if I were in a master’s program for psychology, I would propose a thesis in which I got a job as a grocery store clerk, in order to perform well-rounded analyses of each person that came through my lane, solely based on their appearances and purchases. Hypothetically speaking, one of my analyses could go something like this: … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Grocery Clerks or Fortunetellers?

Cirque du Today: The Elephant in the Room

AshleyCirque du Today18 Comments

I pride myself on volunteering at my son’s elementary school once a week. It’s something I always wanted my own mom to do for me, or at the very least, show up with freshly baked cupcakes for my class on my birthday. But with four young siblings at home, I was lucky when she sent me to school with a slab … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: The Elephant in the Room

Cirque du Today: Female Acrobats Need Not Apply

AshleyCirque du Today6 Comments

My 6-yr-old son, Mineological, and his daddy take great pleasure in watching ABC’s “Wipeout,” wherein people succumb to an ass-beating by way of a crazy obstacle course to win $50K. Especially entertaining, apparently, are segments in which guys take sterilizing shots to the family jewels. Anywho. The other night, Todd wasn’t home, so I was forced to watch Wipeout alone with M. The unspoken rule … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Female Acrobats Need Not Apply

Cirque du Today: Send in the Pants-less Clown

AshleyCirque du Today2 Comments

On the comical side of a recent torrential downpour, the boys and I braved the elements to get some last-minute, hunker-down supplies from the store. While pulling the full cart behind me through the parking lot, I held two little twin hands with one of my own, while Sam flanked the little ones, the wind whipping, and rain pouring on us sideways, … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Send in the Pants-less Clown

Cirque du Today: Welcome to the Potty

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Who can deny it? Peeing IS a big responsibility. Not just for babies. For anybody. Ever had a UTI? Shit’s not fun. Anywho, to commemorate the occasion of his two-year-old brother peeing on the potty, my five-year-old focused the best of his artistry on a congratulatory card. (It would be helpful to add here that the two-year-old currently sits down to pee … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Welcome to the Potty

Cirque du Today: Direct Me to the Restroom?

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I have always been a bathroom person. When I go to someone else’s house for the first time, and they are giving me a tour, honestly, what I’m only interested in seeing is their bathrooms. My own bathrooms were uber important to me when my husband and I built our house several years ago. I think I stood up in a rage, started … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Direct Me to the Restroom?

Cirque du Today: Mommy’s Hall of Name-Calling Horrors

AshleyCirque du Today2 Comments

You truly don’t understand why your mother gave you all those unending, blathering guilt trips, which you endured with rolling eyes and exasperated sighs, until a child that you carried in your womb for 9 months (and made you gain 40 lbs that went straight to your ass), and whose hungry or sick cries you’ve lovingly answered at 3 in the morning a million … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Mommy’s Hall of Name-Calling Horrors