Cirque du Today: Grocery Clerks or Fortunetellers?

Cirque du Today2 Comments

I didn't change out of my pajamas for YEARS.

I’m pretty sure if I were in a master’s program for psychology, I would propose a thesis in which I got a job as a grocery store clerk, in order to perform well-rounded analyses of each person that came through my lane, solely based on their appearances and purchases. Hypothetically speaking, one of my analyses could go something like this: … Read More

Cirque du Today: Grocery Clerks or Fortunetellers?

Cirque du Today: The Elephant in the Room

Cirque du Today18 Comments

Credit, deviantart.net

I pride myself on volunteering at my son’s elementary school once a week. It’s something I always wanted my own mom to do for me, or at the very least, show up with freshly baked cupcakes for my class on my birthday. But with four young siblings at home, I was lucky when she sent me to school with a slab … Read More

Cirque du Today: The Elephant in the Room

Cirque du Today: Female Acrobats Need Not Apply

Cirque du Today6 Comments

Credit, jimhalterman.com

My 6-yr-old son, Mineological, and his daddy take great pleasure in watching ABC’s “Wipeout,” wherein people succumb to an ass-beating by way of a crazy obstacle course to win $50K. Especially entertaining, apparently, are segments in which guys take sterilizing shots to the family jewels. Anywho. The other night, Todd wasn’t home, so I was forced to watch Wipeout alone with M. The unspoken rule … Read More

Cirque du Today: Female Acrobats Need Not Apply

That Time My Mom Thought She Was A Nun

Old School Circus23 Comments

That time my mom thought she was a nun. www.bigtopfamily.com

I was eight years old in the Year of the Brown Dress, as my older sister and I eventually came to call it. My mom had been raised Catholic but in the years since divorcing my dad, she had become a Born Again Christian. And in her heightened state of Jesus Awareness, she’d decided to “sacrifice her vanity” by wearing … Read More

That Time My Mom Thought She Was A Nun

The Time I Fought Back

Old School Circus26 Comments

gremlin edit

In 1987, I was 13 years old, and my family’s main method of transportation was a 1976 AMC Gremlin. It was red with blue doors and covered in rust, and as if these aesthetics weren’t enough to draw stares, it had a muffler that growled and coughed, assaulting the ears and noses of unlucky onlookers. We lived in a struggling steel … Read More

The Time I Fought Back

Cirque du Today: Send in the Pants-less Clown

Cirque du Today2 Comments

pee street (2)

On the comical side of a recent torrential downpour, the boys and I braved the elements to get some last-minute, hunker-down supplies from the store. While pulling the full cart behind me through the parking lot, I held two little twin hands with one of my own, while Sam flanked the little ones, the wind whipping, and rain pouring on us sideways, … Read More

Cirque du Today: Send in the Pants-less Clown

Cirque du Today: Welcome to the Potty

Cirque du TodayLeave a Comment

pee card edit 2

Who can deny it? Peeing IS a big responsibility. Not just for babies. For anybody. Ever had a UTI? Shit’s not fun. Anywho, to commemorate the occasion of his two-year-old brother peeing on the potty, my five-year-old focused the best of his artistry on a congratulatory card. (It would be helpful to add here that the two-year-old currently sits down to pee … Read More

Cirque du Today: Welcome to the Potty

Cirque du Today: Direct Me to the Restroom?

Cirque du TodayLeave a Comment

restroom

I have always been a bathroom person. When I go to someone else’s house for the first time, and they are giving me a tour, honestly, what I’m only interested in seeing is their bathrooms. My own bathrooms were uber important to me when my husband and I built our house several years ago. I think I stood up in a rage, started … Read More

Cirque du Today: Direct Me to the Restroom?

Cirque du Today: Mommy’s Hall of Name-Calling Horrors

Cirque du Today2 Comments

bratty-kid-banner

You truly don’t understand why your mother gave you all those unending, blathering guilt trips, which you endured with rolling eyes and exasperated sighs, until a child that you carried in your womb for 9 months (and made you gain 40 lbs that went straight to your ass), and whose hungry or sick cries you’ve lovingly answered at 3 in the morning a million … Read More

Cirque du Today: Mommy’s Hall of Name-Calling Horrors