Cirque du Today: The Coffee Wizard

AshleyCirque du Today4 Comments

I’m not sure why I’ve always had to jump through hoops to make the nasty little coffee wizard that lives inside my coffee maker do his job. Our last coffee machine, which we had for 10 years and took no less than 15 minutes to brew one pot, made us push the On button, then the Brew button, then the On button … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: The Coffee Wizard

Cirque du Today: Santa’s High Wire

AshleyCirque du Today1 Comment

Last night at my twins’ bedtime, I tried to renew my annual tradition of inspiring fear in my children of not getting any presents from Santa if they don’t go to sleep and stay asleep. After the questions that ensued, I realized that I could no longer use my mother’s scare tactics – “the elves are outside the window watching.” … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Santa’s High Wire

Cirque du Today: Highs and Lows

AshleyCirque du Today4 Comments

Today I actually dared to bring two four-year-olds with me to do some clothes shopping for myself at Target – something I obviously rarely do, as evidenced by my threadbare clothing complete with knee and elbow patches.  While I am doing 180s in front of the mirror, trying to get the full visual of my sizable ass in skinny jeans, Jagger and … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Highs and Lows

Cirque du Today: Grocery Clerks or Fortunetellers?

AshleyCirque du Today2 Comments

I’m pretty sure if I were in a master’s program for psychology, I would propose a thesis in which I got a job as a grocery store clerk, in order to perform well-rounded analyses of each person that came through my lane, solely based on their appearances and purchases. Hypothetically speaking, one of my analyses could go something like this: … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Grocery Clerks or Fortunetellers?

Cirque du Today: The Elephant in the Room

AshleyCirque du Today18 Comments

I pride myself on volunteering at my son’s elementary school once a week. It’s something I always wanted my own mom to do for me, or at the very least, show up with freshly baked cupcakes for my class on my birthday. But with four young siblings at home, I was lucky when she sent me to school with a slab … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: The Elephant in the Room

Cirque du Today: Female Acrobats Need Not Apply

AshleyCirque du Today6 Comments

My 6-yr-old son, Mineological, and his daddy take great pleasure in watching ABC’s “Wipeout,” wherein people succumb to an ass-beating by way of a crazy obstacle course to win $50K. Especially entertaining, apparently, are segments in which guys take sterilizing shots to the family jewels. Anywho. The other night, Todd wasn’t home, so I was forced to watch Wipeout alone with M. The unspoken rule … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Female Acrobats Need Not Apply

That Time My Mom Thought She Was A Nun

AshleyOld School Circus23 Comments

I was eight years old in the Year of the Brown Dress, as my older sister and I eventually came to call it. My mom had been raised Catholic but in the years since divorcing my dad, she had become a Born Again Christian. And in her heightened state of Jesus Awareness, she’d decided to “sacrifice her vanity” by wearing … Read More

AshleyThat Time My Mom Thought She Was A Nun

The Time I Fought Back

AshleyOld School Circus26 Comments

In 1987, I was 13 years old, and my family’s main method of transportation was a 1976 AMC Gremlin. It was red with blue doors and covered in rust, and as if these aesthetics weren’t enough to draw stares, it had a muffler that growled and coughed, assaulting the ears and noses of unlucky onlookers. We lived in a struggling steel … Read More

AshleyThe Time I Fought Back

Cirque du Today: Send in the Pants-less Clown

AshleyCirque du Today2 Comments

On the comical side of a recent torrential downpour, the boys and I braved the elements to get some last-minute, hunker-down supplies from the store. While pulling the full cart behind me through the parking lot, I held two little twin hands with one of my own, while Sam flanked the little ones, the wind whipping, and rain pouring on us sideways, … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Send in the Pants-less Clown

Cirque du Today: Welcome to the Potty

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Who can deny it? Peeing IS a big responsibility. Not just for babies. For anybody. Ever had a UTI? Shit’s not fun. Anywho, to commemorate the occasion of his two-year-old brother peeing on the potty, my five-year-old focused the best of his artistry on a congratulatory card. (It would be helpful to add here that the two-year-old currently sits down to pee … Read More

AshleyCirque du Today: Welcome to the Potty